"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein
I had a long talk with my friend about a few issues that have been on my mind lately. And he brought up this quote that someone said to him at work that gave me some clarity and direction as to how to deal with some friendship issues. This quote stopped me from making a fairly large mistake in perhaps repeating a cycle that would have proven that I am, in fact, insane. So I'm not going to do that. Instead, I'm going to focus on moving forward and realizing how change is constant. There's no value in being a loyal friend if the friendship isn't working or wasn't even that great to begin with. I've always had this issue with loyalty regarding friendships. It's my nature to be very loyal, to defend friends, and it always pains me when things don't work out- as if I've failed (the focus on "I"). I realize that to me, friendship loyalty is like being a member of the clean plate club. It was somehow ingrained in me for no good reason, is a habit I can't shake and only leads to excess baggage.
BUT at the same time, it seems that there are people we are drawn to. People we are meant to "get back" with, and friends that have come back into my life that I will let in. It's an interesting conflict to figure out which ones are right for us and which ones we should let go. Like Carrie and Mr. Big. Through out the show, she couldn't figure out if he was a bad habit she should break or the one she was meant to be with.
In the end, I need to figure out what and who makes me happy and separate this happiness from how long I've known them. Because it's quality versus quantity. And realize that when one door closes, another door opens.